Debunk the Myths
Divorce doesn’t affect anyone except the two involved.
Cohabitation is a good gauge to a successful marriage
Cohabitation is a good alternative to marriage; it isn’t
better or worse than marriage
Actually,
divorce does affect others. Children, first off, are the prime victims. “The
children in (single-parent) families have negative life outcomes at two to
three times the rate of children in married, two-parent families.”a
Extended families feel the turbulence. And if
that doesn’t surprise you, divorce affects the entire nation’s social
stability. “…more permissive divorce attitudes are associated with
lower-quality and more unstable marriages.”b
While some of us feel indifferent about divorce and/or
cohabitation “researchers are finding that the disappearance of marriage in
Middle America [the almost 60 percent of the nation who are high school
educated but not college educated] is tracking with the disappearance of the
middle class...”c
What is the truth? What works?
Marriage is the answer. Marriage works. “A good marriage
does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a
woman committed to strive together toward perfection.”d Marriage improves
individuals who work together especially in trying times. “Prevent unnecessary divorce”
is the call of Elizabeth Marquardt, David Blankenhorn, Robert I. Lerman, Linda
Malone-Colón, and W. Bradford Wilcox, in their address “The President’s
Marriage Agenda for the Forgotten Sixty Percent”.e Prevent unnecessary
fatherless families. Prevent unnecessary out-of-wedlock childbearing. Let’s show
commitment! Marital commitment fosters healthy family life, healthy economics,
healthy national stability, while decreases crime, school drop-outs, and drug
and alcohol addicts, amongst several other benefits to society.f
What can I do if I’ve already been
affected by these circumstances?
Be the Change!
No matter what type of family you come from, YOU can
be the change towards good! Build a happy family by following the pattern that
works!
“In a former era, the Lord sent a flood to destroy unworthy lineages. In this generation, it is my faith that he has sent numerous choice individuals to help purify them.”g - Carlfred Broderick, professor of sociology, University of Southern California.
“A transitional character is one who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of a lineage. The changes might be for good or ill, but the most noteworthy examples are those individuals who grow up in an abusive, emotionally destructive environment and who somehow find a way to metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it on to their children. They break the mold. They refute the observation that abused children become abusive parents, that the children of alcoholics become alcoholic adults, that “the sins of the fathers are visited upon the heads of the children to the third and fourth generation.” Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that the generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives.”h (p. 18) - Carlfred Broderick (1992). Marriage and the Family. New Jersey: Prentice-Hall.
We all come from varying backgrounds and family life. Yet,
each of us is stronger than we think. When we find the strength within, which I
believe comes from Jesus Christ, we can overcome literally any hell, from the
slightest to most painstaking. You and I can be the “filter”. You and I CAN
change our course. We can “break the mold.” Just like Han Solo, though frozen
in carbonite, presumably trapped forever because of his past, was saved from
his mold. He was broken free. (Just a little Star Wars analogy for fellow fans.
😉).
Citations
a Mary
Parke, Are Married Parents Really Better for Children? (Washington, DC: Center
for Law and Social Policy, 2003); and W. Bradford Wilcox et al., Why Marriage
Matters: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences (New York: Institute for
American Values, 2011).)
b Paul
R. Amato and Stacey J. Rogers, “Do Attitudes toward Divorce Affect Marital
Quality?” Journal of Family Issues 20 (1999): 69–86.)
c (also e and f) Elizabeth
Marquardt, David Blankenhorn, Robert I. Lerman, Linda Malone-Colón, and W.
Bradford Wilcox, “The President’s Marriage Agenda for the Forgotten Sixty
Percent,” The State of Our Unions (Charlottesville, VA: National Marriage
Project and Institute for American Values, 2012).
d Elder
Dallin H. Oaks Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Divorce” Ensign, 2007. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/05/divorce?lang=eng
e (see
citation c)
f (see
citation c)
g Carlfred
Broderick, professor of sociology, University of Southern California. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/1987/05/questions-and-answers/questions-and-answers?lang=eng
h Carlfred
Broderick (1992). Marriage and the Family. (p. 18). New Jersey: Prentice-Hall.
