

Where’s the Poop?
Gottman
breaks it down for us. The poop is in the “Four Horsemen” as he refers to them:
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
The first place to start
sniffing the poop is in your own thoughts about your dearest. When you
recognize the poop you are putting into your relationship, you can make the
first “repair attempt” by stopping it. A repair attempt is “any statement or
action – silly or otherwise – that prevents negativity from escalating out of
control” (Gottman, pg 27).
Cleaning up the Poop
In the missionary manual used by full-time missionaries
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, “Preach My Gospel”
missionary companions are instructed to hold a weekly companionship inventory,
where they discuss goals, strengths, and challenges that may be withholding
them from “working in unity.” Likewise, M. Russell Ballard teaches in his book,
“Counseling with Our Councils,” the importance of weekly family councils that
can be as small as two individuals, such as husband and wife, where the same
idea take place. Love is the spirit of the meeting. As it turns out, Dr.
Gottman encourages the same weekly model of asking yourself improvement
questions and using “soft start-ups” with your spouse when addressing issues.
Respectfully using voice, action and constructive behavior, we can clean up the
poop messes in our relationships and lessen the poop.
The prevention and the
antidote: cultivating your friendship.
Citations:
Gottman, John M., "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" (2015), Harmony Publications
"Preach My Gospel" (2019). The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/title-page?lang=eng
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